chadleyh

Saya Yang Lalai

2012-01-13T23:15:00.000+01:00

New Year's resolution haruslah dah langgar awal-awal. Seawal hari pertama. Nasib baik baru mid January. Takpe, nanti aku cuba lagi. Exam lagi dua minggu tapi masih tak berhenti main tetris. Tapi weekend ni aku ada matlamat baru, dah letak siap-siap material untuk study atas meja, bagi ada rasa bersalah bila tetiba nak main game. Okay dah tak ada idea untuk perenggan ni. Next!

Lepas balik dari Malaysia 'cuti' haritu, hidung asyik berdarah, yang lebih hebat dari biasa. Boleh rasa the blood gushing out from pangkal hidung, bila dongak kepala, darah tu sudah tentu pergi ke arah esophagus, darah itu sudah pun mula bergumpal by that time. Geli tak? Ha ha. Jadi, aku beli humidifier, pasal dah rasa macam kronik pulak bila bangun tidur je hidung berdarah. Hampir setiap hari. Tapi kini tidak lagi. Terima kasih pelembap udara! Heh. Okay next!

Pada satu malam, sedang aku tidur, terdengar ketukan di pintu bilik. Tok tok tok tok. Aku light sleeper, so memang cepat terbangun. Saspen aku kejap. Aku kaget! Hehe. Aku try tidur balik, macam tak ada masa nak melayan. Elok-elok nak terlena tu, aku dengar lagi ketukan. Tok tok tok tok tok. Bunyi macam ada orang kat depan pintu bilik, macam nak masuk. Faken shitballs! Aku saspen kembali. Try azan dalam hati, pasal aku ada dengar orang kata syaitan macam lagi takut dengan azan. Pastu aku nak tertidur balik. Dia ketuk balik la pulak, macam tahu-tahu je. Aku tengok jam, pukul 3 pagi. Shitballs meatballs! Yada yada yada. Esok pagi terang benderang, aku dengar lagi bunyi ketukan tu. Rupanya humidifier bodo tu bila dia blup blup bunyi macam orang ketuk pintu. Malu aku dengan diri sendiri. Bodobodobodo. Nasib baik aku tak pasang Athan kat desktop tu. Itu boleh malu bunuh diri. Haha!.

Okay, dah malukan diri sendiri. Bolehla pergi tidur. Kalau dengar bunyi orang ketuk pintu, at least aku boleh salahkan humidifier. Korang nak salahkan apa? Mehehe.

365 and back to 1

2011-12-31T01:24:00.000+01:00

Aku dah lama tak update. Aku banyak tengok movie sekarang. Aku refresh Facebook tigaratus kali, main tetris lapanribu kali, main Tekken enampuluh kali je, pasal selalu sangat kalah. Lepas kalah haruslah mencarut enamratus kali, lepas tu replay sampai tangan cramp and controller basah.

Aku harap 2012 cepat sampai. Mungkin dua tiga hari lepas tu baru aku dapat bernafas macam biasa. Sesak sungguh penghujung 2011. Seminggu aku rasa macam forever.

Rimas. Balasan untuk aku yang semakin lalai.

Aku puitis. I am awesome. Teehee.

KeCiK BeSaR

2011-10-15T22:42:00.000+02:00

I'm high on frappucino.
I can't sit still and I feel like rambling.
Weather is getting colder.
Socks on.
Sweater on.
I miss my family.
I'm going home in three weeks.
Exam is in a week.
Housemate is going back for good.
It's gonna be dull without her when I get back here.
Sobs.
Hopefully things will get into place and I'll be gone too in a year.
The game is on!

Dermis

2011-10-14T00:45:00.000+02:00

14th week on isotretinoin. Acne growth is slowing down but the side effects of the medication are bothering me. I now have extremely dry skin. My skin is so dry, it flakes. I discovered yesterday that I may have atopic eczema.

Yay.

O girl!

2011-09-24T11:40:00.000+02:00

Beautiful!

Listening to them almost makes me never want to try singing again. Haha. I always know I can't sing; the reason I stay away from the microphones at karaokes.

gratitude

2011-08-29T02:44:00.000+02:00

Some people say, we might not know what we have until we lost them. Aku cuba semaikan kata-kata ni dalam diri tapi sesungguhnya, agak susah untuk aku pasal aku ni pelupa. Aku pernah mimpi kehilangan orang tersayang, sejak itu, setiap kali aku call my loved ones, aku make sure perbualan diakhiri dengan kata-kata yang indah atau menyenangkan. Aku nak at least, benda terakhir yang orang dengar, dan benda terakhir yang aku cakap, adalah benda yang tak akan buat aku regret. Aku bersyukur aku mimpi yang dahsyat-dahsyat tu. Jadi, aku akan terus cuba untuk appreciate orang-orang dalam hidup aku, pasal aku tak tahu hidup aku panjang mana. Sempat ke?

Takut sebenarnya.

Misi aku: Not to talk if I have nothing nice to say, and to talk and treat people like it's everybody's last day alive.

* * *

Oh, masuk hari ni, nampaknya almond london, pineapple tarts, biskut arab, chocolate-coated pretzel cookies dengan marble cookies dah siap. Yay! Baju kurung tahun-tahun lepas, bila cuba-cuba dah tak muat pulak...

Oh noes~~~

bila lagi..

2011-08-23T01:43:00.000+02:00

Aku ni undecided, apa yang aku fikir berubah dari masa ke masa. Berubah dengan sangat cepat, sampai aku lost track apa yang aku nak pada ketika itu. Pada ketika itu? Pada ketika itu. Heh. Aku ada beberapa azam 2011 yang masih tak tercapai, sedar-sedar dah nak habis bulan 8. Damn it, time flies so fast, money flows even faster. Berbekalkan azam 2011 yang tak terhabis tu, aku dah ada azam 2012 yang aku masukkan dalam kategori 'merepek and useless but so exciting'.

Short. Blonde. Hair.

Hahah. I need to go to sleep. -____-

* * *

Dulu, aku selalu fikir apa orang judge aku bila aku buat sesuatu. Life and thoughts aku jadi sedikit constricted. I wanted to try lots of things, but I just couldn't find the time, the money and the approval. Tapi sejak pertengahan form 5, aku start bagi kebebasan pada diri sendiri. After that I just go with the flow and follow my heart's content. Aku berubah, inside out. Lebih prominent bila aku mula hidup on my own, jauh dari family. I always wanted to do things on my own will, rasa macam aku in control of my life. Tapi yang tak berapa bagus adalah bila aku semakin don't give a fuck about what people say anymore, pasal aku macam nak have fun kejap.

These Four Walls

2011-08-22T01:52:00.000+02:00

Ever since I traveled away from home, I always have photographs of the people I love on my walls. So that I'll see them at any time of the day, when I wake up, when I go to sleep and especially when I'm running out of hope. And at times like now, when I can't focus.

* * *

Ramadhan is about to end, and my excitement for Raya is a bit different from what I felt last week. However, I think I'm still going to bake some cookies, because I never baked Raya cookies over here before. Maybe that will heighten my RayaMood a bit. It's going to be some pineapple tarts tomorrow, biskut Arab and cornflakes madu on Tuesday, Almond London on Wednesday and probably some chocolate-dipped pretzel cookies on Thursday. I think I'll spend some time for a batch of cake pops in the weekend, I got hyped seeing my sister's cake pops. Hahaha! I've got one problem: My sleep-cycle. It's all over the place.

I still have Friday free, wonder what I could make that day.

* * *

I'm going to start my 3rd month on isotretinoin and the doctor hasn't called. Me needs me meds.

Mood Ramadhan + Raya

2011-08-14T00:11:00.000+02:00

Aku tak pernah fikir yang Ramadhan and Raya kat sini boleh jadi exciting. Mungkin pasal ramai pulak yang tak balik Raya cuti ni, rasa meriah sikit. Sekarang pulak dah tak duduk seorang diri serumah, jadi idea and semangat melantun-lantun untuk menjamu orang tu dapat share terus; tiada lag. Being me, having face-to-face communication is so damn nice.

This would be the best Ramadhan I've ever experienced away from home. Kalau balik rumah cuti summer, aku selalunya tak duduk diam, memang keluar masuk rumah sampai kuih raya pun tak sempat nak buat. Sian Mama. Jadi last-last aku, Abang and Tia akan pergi Jalan Masjid India or Jalan TAR pergi carik kuih raya. Tapi tahun ni aku tahu Fara yang buat kuih raya. So takde dah beli kuih raya yang agak sedih rupanya tu.

Raya ni aku ingat nak ada the same feeling macam Raya kat rumah. Nak buat kuih raya yang aku tak pernah try buat selama ni: Tart Nenas. Mungkin buat lagi dua atau tiga jenis, alang-alang tengah cuti. Kalau nak ikut gila aku, aku terasa macam nak jahit baju kurung sendiri. Tapi aku rasa aku nak ikut pemalas aku lah, guna baju raya tahun-tahun lepas je.

Aku rasa macam nak masak rendang pagi raya nanti, tapi aku dah lupa rasa rendang macam mana. =/

browless

2011-08-03T22:17:00.000+02:00

Just because I'm bored and I'm too lazy to find a job.

taken by tiamon when we were skyping

Insatiable

2011-08-02T01:00:00.000+02:00

Aku rindu rumah, lagi-lagi time Ramadhan. Tak pernah lagi spend the whole Ramadhan kat sini tapi I have a strong feeling that I'll make better use of it this year.

Last year, hampir setiap hari aku sediakan sahur untuk family pasal tak boleh tidur; jet lag. Jadi sekarang aku rindu pulak nak kejutkan adik-adik bangun sahur. Adik yang kecik sekali tak nak makan nasi time sahur kalau takde kicap manis Habhal tu. Comel je. Papa pulak makan sambil mata separuh terbukak, ngantuk sangat agaknya. Kadang-kadang aku ngan Tia pergi drive-thru McDonald's beli sahur untuk semua. Fara je yang kadang-kadang sahur minum air je.

Aku rindu jugak amik Mira balik sekolah. Petang-petang sikit nanti dua yang kecik tu mintak aku bawak pergi bazaar Ramadhan tapi aku tunggu dalam kereta je, pasal aku pakai shorts sambil pakai tudung. Beruk mat yeh betul. Makanan kat bazaar yang aku minat ayam percik ngan tau fu faa je, yang berat-berat aku lagi suka Mama masak. Lagi-lagi ketam masak kari and nasi briyani. Homai homai, mesti aku orang last yang bangun dari meja makan. "Takde orang nak makan lagi ke? Ish ish, tak baik membazir" Itu modal aku. Kitorang makin besar ni makin jadi macam spoilt brat. Sorry Papa Mama.

Last year jugak ada yang kitorang adik beradik je yang masak, suruh Papa Mama jadi king and queen. Masak chicken chop full set macam kat restaurant. Abang pandai masak, dia jadi head chef, so dia settlekan marinade and flour-coating ayam semua. Aku buat coleslaw je. Adik yang lain settlekan gravy, side dishes and last minute grocery shopping. Recipe semua kitorang google je. Haha.

Tadi call, dorang kat umah Makwan. 1st Ramadhan memang akan kumpul umah Makwan and bukak puasa ramai-ramai. Bila duduk jauh ni macam-macam jugak dah miss. Aku rindu riuh rumah aku. Kalau sorang gelak, dia akan jadi macam domino effect. Bila dah rapat sangat, sangat terasa bila jauh macam ni.

Aku buat post ni supaya aku always ingat aku datang dari mana. Family always comes first. Nobody understand me better and nobody could make me happier.

And I really can't wait for November.

meds meds meds

2011-07-31T02:58:00.000+02:00

This medication i'm taking dries me up. I have scales on my eyebrows, on my neck, on my cheeks and the most unfavourable one: at the corner of my lips; simply because it looks like dried saliva. Homai homai. Not sexy. My eyes are drier too, I think I may have to watch some sad movies to wet them up. Dammit.

Oh and I just realised that it's hard for me to tear when my stomache is full. Kenyang perut, senang hati. I'll have to try again tomorrow. Feels like my eyeballs are going to stick on my eyelids. Unangenehm.

Reliving The Past

2011-07-19T23:34:00.000+02:00

I've watched a lot of Disney Classics when I'm younger and I've almost forgotten how nice they made me feel. I decided to watch them again and I'm currently on my third movie of the week: Beauty and the Beast.

I realize that I'm no longer capable of writing long posts, so I'm sticking with short updates. I kinda want to keep track of my life as I am one very forgetful nenek.

Pang! di kepala

2011-07-18T22:06:00.000+02:00

Dah genap sebulan amik medication untuk cystic acne yang dah macam bermastautin kat muka ni. First week, no improvements. Second week, break out. Third week, clearing out. Fourth week, break out macam celaka. Takpe, dermatologist pon cakap awal-awal memang macam ni. Proceed untuk second month pula. Harap-harap by the end of this course, dia tak datang lagi dah. Dah bertahun ada severe acne sampai dah lupa macam mana rupa asal tanpa jerawat.

* * *

Dah nak masuk tahun ke-4 kat sini tapi perangai macam tak berubah lagi. Makin teruk rasanya. Macam-macam nak cuba sampai tujuan asal pon dah agak terabai. Selalunya sesi merenung masa lampau ni datang bila nak dekat Ramadhan. Masa inilah terasa nak tengok tahap kelalaian diri sendiri dari masa ke masa. Dah tersasar jauh nampaknya. Kalau diri aku yang 6 tahun lepas tengok keadaan aku sekarang, mesti dia sedih dan marah. Heh.

Aku suka bulan Ramadhan, pasal apa buruk yang aku buat masa tu bukan ada hasutan syaitan. Memang dari diri aku.

* * *

Tahun ni macam-macam mission aku pasang. So far yang tercapai pon benda yang agak sia-sia, sekadar melayan adrenaline. Will power tak kuat, alasan berkoyan-koyan.

* * *

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

- Maya Angelou

First Phase : End Of Week #1

2011-06-22T20:38:00.000+02:00

My parents used to sing the intro of this song to us when we were a bit younger. So random. But when I got into boarding school and I started getting pimples on my face, my older brother would always tease me with singing this song but with different wordings. "Jerawatun..jerawatun.. nenek kebayan..." Meh. -__-!

Getting pimples then was not as bad as getting cystic acne like what I'm having right now. So I had to go against the nature of my body and take medications (again). I'm hoping to get the same or better but permanent result like what I had three years ago.

So far I'm coming to the end of the first week and I actually feel like documenting my progress weekly since the acne I'm having right now is by far, the worst that I ever rock on my face and it would be interesting (for me) to see how my skin worsens or improves by time. Interesting for me, disgusting for you. Hee..

Surangani..surangani kamale kana va....

Phail!

2011-05-23T18:57:00.000+02:00

3 months ago, I proposed myself to live healthily and to go easy on the fatty foods. I phail! 46kgs by June 13th is only possible if I eat nothing, die and rot to bones. So now scratch Mission #1.

Mission #2 : A vegetarian for a month!!

Hahahamik!

The Case Of The Hair

2011-05-03T21:14:00.000+02:00

Winter (to me), means dry scalp and split ends. So I had to choose between shiny oh-so-lembut hair and healthy scalp. I obviously chose the latter because having 'snow' falling out from your head is not sexy. Then spring came and I switched back to my old shampoo and conditioner. The best for my hair so far. Whee~

Herbal Essences Farb Fetisch / Color Me Happy

I used Herbal Essences Hello Hydration before but this one here works best with my hair.

Anyway.... I actually wanted to share something else. I found this at Cosmopolitan.com and because I wanted to know how I would look like with short hair, I uploaded my picture and played with the site's features. But I got carried away. Eheh.

Say hello to granny me.

Oh look.. granny got lots of jerawat. -____-! And granny has multiple piercings on her earlobes. Maybe the next thing I'd do from my wishlist. =B

Of Cheese Brownie and Cornflakes Sambal

2011-04-21T21:59:00.000+02:00

Wanted to make some karipap but I'm out of curry powder. Wanted to redo some Oreo Chocolate Cake but I thought of doing something I never did: Brownie. I found this super awesome mouth-watering blog http://awalkingdream.blogspot.com featuring abundance of must-try recipes and I finally decided to try this. Mine didn't look that awesome. Ngehehe. I think because I swirled the cream cheese mixture with a sharp knife that none of the brownie mixture ever made its way up to the surface. Hence, no marble effect. I think la. Hee. I also doubled the cream cheese mixture, because I very gatal one.

See... mine looks unappealing

I didn't let the brownie cool down before I cut it, cannot tahan. The taste is so heavenly! Everything a cheese brownie should be. Yay! Will definitely give it another try.

After I made those brownies, I tried making some cornflakes sambal because it has been a long time since I had kerepek ubi pedas basah. Cornflakes is the only cheap choice that I have at the moment. So I made some sambal and tossed some cornflakes afterward. Tapi terletak cornflakes lebih, dah jadi kering pulak. So sad. Why no picture? Because I'm malas liddat.

**Update: Pagi tadi sambung buat cornflakes sambal pasal nak habiskan cornflakes:

I might as well put a brief recipe on this cornflakes sambal.

Ingredients:

cornflakes
shallots, blended (3-5 of them, or more, whatever suits your liking, or use one red onion; the big one)
dried chilli (a fistful, boiled then blended)
tamarind juice (about half a cup)
sugar
salt
oil
water

Methods:

Heat 6 tbsp oil in a large pan or wok, add in the blended shallots and fry until it slightly browns.
Add in the blended chili and fry until oil starts emerging on top of the mixture. This takes some time, but I'm sometimes impatient, so I'll proceed with step 3 after 5 minutes frying the blended chilli.
Stir in about 3 tbsp of the tamarind juice.
Stir in half a tsp of salt and 1 tbsp sugar. You'll notice that the sambal starts to darken in colour, and it'll thicken. Lower your heat, as this is the point where your sambal could get burnt. If it gets too dark or too thick, add some water.
Do the taste test. Add more tamarind juice if it's not sour enough, more salt if it's not salty, more sugar if it's not sweet, but if it's not too spicy, I recommend putting in some chilli powder.
Add in cornflakes gradually and stir to coat them with sambal. Then put in your container lah.
Allow it to cool a bit before closing your container, or it'll get lembik2 lemau2.

So this is basically coating cornflakes with sweet sambal. This is just how I do it.

Next in line, from the same blog mentioned: Caramel cupcake topped with caramel cream cheese.

Monday maybe?

Narrowing Down

2011-04-20T21:14:00.000+02:00

On my attempt to spruce up my Facebook profile because a friend said it was morbid, I discovered that I don't have specific interest in music, books and etc. It makes me wonder what I did when I was younger when most of the kids my age were listening to Slam and KRU, and when they started listening to rock kapak and have posters on the walls of their bedrooms. I'm guessing that I was listening to nursery rhymes and watching Barney and Friends because my sisters were 4's and 5's back then.

One of the nursery rhymes that I still memorize.

Out of focus: Life's main theme this year. Gosh it feels so weird.

Patatas

2011-03-13T16:34:00.000+01:00

I'm in love with potato salad and I believe that we are both in a self-destructing relationship. I can't get enough of it and sadly it can't provide the amount of my gluttony. One serving usually equals a small bowl, but my term of one serving of potato salad equals a medium sized periuk. So this has to stop. For now. Oh and I had this crazy shit almost divine virgin colada at Aachen and I would definitely learn how to make some later.

Look at me jumping from one topic to another. Eheh. I was flossing this morning and I realized my third molars are surfacing. Oh no no no. I've heard and seen people around me suffered the days these wisdom teeth decide to come out.

Picture taken from http://mytoothcaretips.com

I guess I'll go see the dentist after Thermodynamics. Some of the people I know were feverish and moody when they got their third molars extracted. They can't eat solid food and they only feed on porridge and soup. Hmm.. ada potential nak kurus ni! Hahaha.

I'm having solid food fest this week. Let's see what the dentist will have to say nanti. Oh the horror.

Hikayat Si Pentipu

2011-02-26T17:03:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, I was so motivated to start my JellyBellyElimination Programme that I forgot I really really need one last shot of junk food. So today, I let myself have all the yummy awesomeness I craved before I actually start living healthy.

Anyway, I want to share a website I found a couple of months ago that might help some of us who want to lose/add some weight or even to maintain it. For those who are already blessed with a great body, I envy you. Go eat some Pringles.

This is how the calculators look like (ini adalah gambar, bukan calculator sebenar):

Pretty neat eh? If I want to be about 46 kgs by June 13th, I need to lose a total of 500 kcal daily, by means of eating healthy or/and doing some exercise. That's about 1600kcal IN and 500 kcal OUT.

Go check it out at www.shapefit.com

One tub of Pringles is about 850 kcal. Makan ni je lah setiap hari sampai June. Hoho.

Heads Up!

2011-02-25T22:40:00.000+01:00

Cuti is about to end and I decided to throttle my fattening food intake. It's time to slice off the dodols! I'm hoping to be fit by summer. Oh semangat! Ini semua gara-gara REWE tiba-tiba ada renovation. Hancur harapan untuk makan satu tub Pringles Sour Cream & Oninon. Oninon? Pon boleh.

Everything happens for a reason. My reason to get rid of these 5 Kilos that have been bugging me is mainly because I want to feel less insecure. No muffin tops that make me feel like I'm wearing a size too small, no more squeezing in a 34 and almost tearing the clothes apart, no jelly belly so eager it wants to show itself under a body-hugging shirt, no more fishballs or meatballs or basketballs or bulldog cheeks on my face...something like that. Although sometimes I don't give a shit about how I look, it still bothers me when I look at myself in the mirror and knowing that I could have done something about it.

Jadi saya mahu kembali exercise seperti di zaman muda-mudi dahulukala; pabila perut tidak menari semasa melompat, upper arms tidak berkibar semasa buat chicken dance, muka tidak seluas padang Wembley, dan jerawat tidak sudi melawat.

Honestly, being in a constant 'competition' makes me want to look my best. Apa? Personality lebih penting? Memang la, but certain people would only be interested to get to know your personality if they first find themselves interested in your looks. No? Certain people la tapi.

For me, it's kinda nice to look good, be healthy and feel good about it. Selagi masih ada kudrat, apa salahnya kan...

A motivation I found on tumblr:

Food is good. Thin is better.*

Well, for now.

*Tapi kalau sudah kurus gila and ada symptoms bulimic, anorexic and seangkatan dengannya; silalah ada common sense sikit*

oh there she goes again...

2011-02-13T20:26:00.000+01:00

I got bored. God knows how many times I typed and hit 'backspace' repetitiously. Blogging is not my talent; randomly discussing about random stuff might be. I mengarut, mencarut and ask lots of stupid questions di masa lapang.

* * *

I'm in the middle of winter holidays and I feel like making a change to something. It could be just about anything and time has decided that it's going to be: the hair.

I've thought of cutting it short but I've had bad history with short hair.

I've thought of having soft curls like these:

Ahhh.. so pretty! But... that will have to wait until I get back home.

I guess the only thing left is to give it a new tint. *grins*